Somtimes You Just Can't Get THERE.
This is a subject that I have never thought I would ever need to broach with anyone in my life, but I am finding for some reason I need to now.
As you may remember I am "Seeing" the Minister. We have gone out quite a few times already and have already done the dirty more than once. However, last night, in my whole sexual career, I actually had difficulty with finishing the job.
What an embarrassing moment for me. Considering that I have never in my sexual history had such a problem. And it wasn't like the dirty wasn't good. It was great.. I just don't know why it was so difficult for me to finish the deed.
What may have only been minutes, seemed like hours to the both of us. Especially since he had gotten THERE well before I did.
I feel like this may have bruised his ego a bit. He remarked last night how incredible I was, and, I, of course, told him the same things. However, when I told him this he kept on remarking about how he thought he wasn't doing his best for me, and that he thought I felt he wasn't that good.
My natural reaction, and the truth, was to constantly tell him that this wasn't the case. However, the more I protested his insecurities, it felt like the more I was actually exaserbating them.
What can I do now?
I can't exactly pinpoint the reason why it was so difficult for me to get there.
Maybe It was the heat in my apt.
Maybe was the lack of room on my couch
Maybe it was that we have become more intimate--- and maybe... this has scared me a little.
Maybe its none of the above.
Maybe it is all the above.
All that I do know is that I don't want this to happen to me again, and I am so scared that it will. Especially, since I don't know why it even happened at all...
What should I do-- HELP!!!!
As you may remember I am "Seeing" the Minister. We have gone out quite a few times already and have already done the dirty more than once. However, last night, in my whole sexual career, I actually had difficulty with finishing the job.
What an embarrassing moment for me. Considering that I have never in my sexual history had such a problem. And it wasn't like the dirty wasn't good. It was great.. I just don't know why it was so difficult for me to finish the deed.
What may have only been minutes, seemed like hours to the both of us. Especially since he had gotten THERE well before I did.
I feel like this may have bruised his ego a bit. He remarked last night how incredible I was, and, I, of course, told him the same things. However, when I told him this he kept on remarking about how he thought he wasn't doing his best for me, and that he thought I felt he wasn't that good.
My natural reaction, and the truth, was to constantly tell him that this wasn't the case. However, the more I protested his insecurities, it felt like the more I was actually exaserbating them.
What can I do now?
I can't exactly pinpoint the reason why it was so difficult for me to get there.
Maybe It was the heat in my apt.
Maybe was the lack of room on my couch
Maybe it was that we have become more intimate--- and maybe... this has scared me a little.
Maybe its none of the above.
Maybe it is all the above.
All that I do know is that I don't want this to happen to me again, and I am so scared that it will. Especially, since I don't know why it even happened at all...
What should I do-- HELP!!!!
posted by flawedperfection @ 11:07 AM
2 Comments:
At 3:43 PM,
Gigi said…
It may also be that you were just physically tired to begin with. Maybe you should just sit down with him and tell him. That will probably help make him feel better.
At 4:16 PM,
Christopher said…
Honey, sometimes your body just doesn't cooperate the way you want it to. There are times for me when everything just goes perfectly, and other times when things just don't work right no matter how much I want them to! The only thing that I've been able to figure out is that if I'm nervous in any way, I either have the same problem you reported, or I'll have the exact opposite problem. Both are frustrating as hell, but when it appears on the outside that you're not as "excited" as you should be, it definitely makes the other person wonder what is wrong with them. Sometimes when I really like the person, it creates a certain "performance anxiety" - the more I want to show them a REALLY good time, the more my body betrays me, because I'm so preoccupied with the thought that I'm wanting things to work perfectly... Communication and total comfort with a person is key, in order to be relaxed enough to let things happen naturally and just enjoy it!
I even found that if I had really great sex with someone, then the next time I put too much pressure on myself to make sure that I lived up to the standard I thought I had set for myself the last time around. The minute you think you need to prove yourself, you're setting yourself up for disaster. If you're unsure how someone feels about you, and you think that they might like you more if you are fantastic in bed... again, potential disaster. Trust me, I know.
Maybe none of these things were in your thoughts, or even in your subconscious, but I know they have all entered my thoughts during sex at one time or another.
Environment (like the apartment being too warm) can be distracting. "Am I sweating too much? Does he think that's gross?" etc...
You did the right thing to be reassuring, and you're right that it probably seemed MUCH worse in your head than it seemed on the outside. Keep communicating :)
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