Self-Awareness

There are many moments in my life where I feel like I walk around in a huge haze. This started at an early age. When I was a child my Dad even nicknamed me (hate this name to do this day, and resent him somewhat for coming up with it) "foggy." This poor way of acknowledging your child's way of thinking, isn't something that should be replicated-- ever..

Hear that all you parents?.. Good!

However, there are moments in our lives where we really have to wonder why is it, at times, we lack self-awareness.

Granted, I have never been one that hasn't been made aware about my faults.. They consist of the following: high voice (for a male), overweight, poor dresser, and being gay.

Hmm.. Being gay... Funny, I mention that, huh?.. Feel like a story is coming.. If so, you're right!

For the past 4 days, I have been in the very isolated (VERY) location of Toledo, OH. for a conference. Each year, as part of my job, I come to this conference to get information/ideas on how to my job. This year, it was here-- next year its in San Diego-- I can't WAIT!

Anyway, back to the story.. As part of any of these trips, there is one day you can use for an excursion. The trip I chose was to this amusement park-- about an hour and an half away from where we are.

When I arrived I noticed a lot of gays in this park.. Many more than I expected for a midwest state ( I didn't say I was naive; I am not self-aware-- stick with me). Apparently from finding out from a very friendly older gentlemen, this day was "gay day" for Ohio.. Yes, the entire state. Not the city.. THE STATE.. YIKES!

Giddy with delight, I began to travel around the park, to check out the adorable men, and rode the rockin rollercoasters that are there. As we began to quiet down, we played a game where you try to get a key ring down a spiral piece of metal-- the game isn't as easy as it looks-- trust me.

As my friend to began to play the game.. The gentlemen ( I use the term loosely here), began to ask me about how do "you people know how to get here on the same day". I politely replied "I'm not here for gay day, I am here because I am here for a conference."

As the conversation progresses he turns around and says rather bluntly: "I knew this was gay day before I was told because I saw some of you people joking around about humping the monkey dolls I have here."

My reaction was indifference, and confusion. For those of you who may not understand, there is this HUGE tall tale out there that HIV was created from someone ( a gay male) having sex with a monkey. The theory is way off. I don't work for the CDC, but I am sure that isn't the reason.

I am mad about this on so many levels:

I am mad at the boy who said this comment.

I am mad that I am stuck in a state/city/town that would condone this behavior, and has no sign of every changing it.

I am mad that OHIO gays (and other Midwest gays for that matter) have to live in these conditions day after day, and have to live their lives literally from the trenchess. Midwest boys, you have my complete empathy and support.

i am mad that our country deems to call homosexual marriage a sancity to its meaning. Yet millions of straight people get married every day, and half them wind up in divorce court before their 5 year anniversary.

However, what I am most mad at is the fact that I didn't think on my toes. I could have with my IVY League education, combatted this young man on his ignorant statement. However, as always, I was completely so unaware of what happened, that by the time I did find out.. I was MAD and it was too late.

My Mom once told me that a "world without ignorance, isn't a society filled with people (I am sure she got this from someone else-- not sure though)." Despite wherever it came from, its a very real statement. However, I just wish I wasn't so lost in the translation of society so MUCH.