Badge Of Courage

This weekend proved to be one of challenges and overcoming insecurities.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, this weekend was filled with the biggest, gayest, party of the year, and I was on the invite list. Being overweight in the gay community is often far worse a life circumstance, than being accused of killing your first born. It is as if you have leprosy, and people are afraid if they associate with you, that, they, themselves, will catch the overweight disease.

Skeptical, and truly having a lackluster desire to be in this world, I still went anyway. I peeled myself off of my couch, climbed myself through 22 inches of falling snow, and walked the mile to the party.

As expected and with very little doubt, the party was crammed with people. Mainly filled with taken men, or with so beautiful of men, that you can find yourself stuttering to yourself just by looking at them.

Despite all this, I went there, I engaged in a few conversations, and assimilated myself into my gay culture.

I walked away, with no bruises, not harmed egos, and no hurt feelings. Sure, I wasn't the life of the party, but it certainly wasn't as bad as I perceived it would be.

Perhaps, I'll never fully meet the criteria for attraction in the gay community. But, you know, I am pretty sure, that I'll meet the criteria for some, and after going to this party, I am sure that this can happen. All I need to have is a little faith and be myself, and something will turn up.While I realize it isn't an easy task to do, it is one certainly manageable and one that I am ready to give a whirl again.