Reconnection

Life lately has been extremely busy for me. Albeit, from the birthday that just passed. 33, I am now, and what a scary number it is to evoke out of your mouth. Wow!

Over the last few months, I have felt a disconnect with my really close friends. It is nothing that I or they did, but a result of life circumstances. Despite this being the case, it is tremendously difficult for someone, like myself, not to feel a little abandoned.

Granted, I realized that this was in result of my own insecurities and my own issues, but the feelings were there. So, I decided to refute this feeling by having a b-day dinner in my honor.

My very good friend decided he would volunteer to coordinate it for me, and it actually wound up being a great experience.

Though, even with the party, it didn't still evade the feelings I had about feeling this disconnect. These feelings only became more exasperated by certain close friends either cancelling the last minute, or not being able to make it all.

The one thing I have learned as I have gotten older, is that I am not the center of the universe. And because of this, sh*t happens and things just can't be as perfect as you envisioned. Admittedly, I am a work-in-progress when it comes to this realization.

It is with this admission, that I choose to not let the non-responsders, and cancellations, get to me. I tried to not take them too personally, and I actually allowed the events of the evening take me where they could-- which was to an extremely happy place.

And as a result, not only did I enjoy myself with those who came, those who didn't show, were able to do other things with me, to display to me that they truly cared for me.

While I am not, and may never be at the point of Self-Actualization in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, I am certainly on the road of being content with who I am and for me to realize this for myself, internally, that I am of value.

One day at a time.