The return of the Frenemie

If you don't know what a Frenemie is, then you seriously need to catch up on your Sex and the City watching. But, for those of you who don't know, a Frenemie is a person that you used to be friends with-- in many cases one who was particularly close to you-- and for whatever reason, your friendship demised or faded.

My Frenemie I met many years ago, at a time when I first became immersed in the gay community. He, by all accounts, was hilarious, seemed smart and gave the illusion that he was a loyal, dependable friend.

As time grew on, however, these initial impressions, start to evolve into something more negative. There were countless lies I found this Frenemie wrapped up in, he was far more materialistic and fake that I could have ever imagined, and there were the countless times that I or one of his many minions would have to assist him with his poor finance capabilities.

Granted, no one is perfect, and with all relationships, you have to embrace the flaws as well as their "star qualities". Though, when there does come a time when you are dealing with more negative, unstable/unreliable behavior, you must ask yourself: Is this friendship really worth it?

That question came to me 6 years ago. I had just started Graduate school at night, while working all day, and within the first 3 weeks, 4 of my closest relatives were either diagnosed with some heinous illness or hospitalized. This resulted in me, at this point, needing a friend to rely on, and at that particular moment, I depended on my Frenemie.

My Frenemie wasn't compassionate, nor was even reachable. And when I finally reached him to talk, he told me "We all have our crosses to bear, and you need to get over it". Words. That. I. Will. Never. FORGET. This angered me, because at that point, I had lent this Frenemie 250.00 so he could go food shopping, and instead of using it for that, he bought an acoustic guitar. I was there for him the countless times another boy had dumped him mid-stream in their whirlwind romance, and more importantly, I was there for him, when his "better" friends were either ignoring him, or forgot who he was. And, oh, did I mention that he knowingly slept with a boy he knew I was in love with and agonized over my feelings for to him for nearly a year prior to him doing that?

I "forgave" for that, but still haven't gotten over the betrayal.

Inevitably, our friendship ended in the only way possible: In a dramatic, spectacular fashion. We both moved on. I finished graduate school, and sustained my other friendships while meeting new people. And, he, as far as I know sadly contracted an illness. However, that didn't stop him from dating countless boy toys, and sustaining his friends with those people who have superiority complex, and who are two-faced, backstabbers.

The puzzling thing about a Frenemie is that you never quite get over the demise of the friendship you have. If you have even the slightest bit of compassion, you are changed by that friends actions and are forever influenced by what happened in that relationship--whether you like it or not.

So, hearing that my Frenemie was moving back to town was interesting statement to hear. At first I felt shock, then laughter, then annoyance, and finally disinterest. The final concluding feeling came after I realized that we both have lives to live and we are both on different paths. And just because our values systems are completely different, and one persons values are more logical and stable than the other person, shouldn't be a reason to hold it against that person.

Rather, I should feel sorry for said Frenemie.

And, more importantly, why should one focus so much disdain on their Frenemie, when they have plenty of FRIENDS to garnish positive attention towards.