Sweet Valley Junior High

Remember when you were in junior highschool--if you are beyond those years--and how you thought everything (parties, friends, where you sat in the lunchroom, etc.) was such an important aspect to your life. And if you weren't invited to those things, or a part of those things, you were deemed not important, and it crushed your self-esteem.

I have to admit when I was younger, I tended to flock to the coolest circles. Altough I am very average in a lot of ways, I tried to "impress" the powers that be with my charming personality (I can be rather likealbe when I want to be), just so I could at least have a glimpse into that "high society".

After highschool, though, you start to realize that your adulthood is slightly different than your childhood-- but not that much. Although you no longer can easily see the classicism of your junior higschool days, it is still there. Its there in your choice of friends and by the type of people you chose to date, etc.

So, when, I heard that someone I know had a "party" and didn't invite me, it was rather suprising, but not altogehter shocking. This guy seems to live in the higschool atmosphere of his adult life, probably because he wasn't that popular while he was in school.

As a result, he seems to have these very large parties, that contain the who's who of my gay community. The people at these parties, just like at your junior highschool dance, often seperate themselves based on how they view themselves and how they view you. If they like you, they are nice. If they don't, you don't dare come near their circle.

To be honest, large parties in my community are a standard, because it really does help you to find your next date, lover, friend, etc. However, because my friend (and I use the term rather loosly) chose to have this new party, with a smaller scale people, he based it on two things: someone's looks and whether he wanted to see them naked.

Just like when your were invited to parties when you were adolescent and were cornered into playing spin the bottle and had to kiss some girl (eww), this party had the same elements. Except, at this party, people got naked on a dare, or received blow jobs in front of a viewing audience. I even heard that when one person who wasn't invited to this party arrived unannounced, and was turned away-- even though this guy is a strong aquaintance or friend with the people inside (i.e., not as attractive as the others- a la the fat girl in the really cool circle in highschool)

Its rather silly to be approaching 30 and hearing this type of behavior to be honest. What amazes me more though about all these antics is the person who was deeming people worthy enough to attend this party.

Not to be shallow, but this man is NOT cute. As a matter of fact, I have often thought that his face resembled a donkey. Cruel, but most accurate. However, as an ADULT you don't value everything on someones looks as much as you did. Rather you base your judgement on whether they are a good person-- seems that this person hasn't learned that lesson yet.

Being off the guest list off this exclusive party doesn't really hurt my feelings, because I am not someone who would feel comfortable in that atmosphere. However, it does rather make me sad that someone that I valued so much as a person and considered a friend would act in such a immature manner.

However, I guess when you are still in junior high emotionally, you really don't see outside of that world, and a word like "hindsight" "compassion," etc. are not in your vocabulary just yet.