Tales from Turkey Land

Thanksgiving as with most holidays came with a mixed bag of feelings for me.

The very thought of the holidays have always created this giddy behavior that manages to give me so much energy, that I feel like I can climb Mount Everest. However, when the reality of what the holidays have become for me sets in, this enthusiasm rapidly evaporates from my mind.

My parents have been divorced since 1988. The catalyst for the divorce came when my Mother fell in love with my brother's scout master (who is rather younger than her in age.) I will put in the caveat that my parents had many trial seperations before my Mother finally left my Dad, and that my Dad, at that time she left him, had a very bad alcohol problem. Since my parents have parted ways, my holidays have been filled with being the rope of a tug of war between them.

This is a situation that I have been able to adjust myself to over time, especially since I had my younger brother along side me for the crazy ride. However, about a year ago, my confident in this semi-psychotic nightmare, fell in love and now refuses to spend any holidays with our family.

I can't deny that this hurts my family on many levels, and I can't deny that it hurts me also on the level that I have to endure these holiday water torture exercises alone. However, I know that my brother is an adult and is capable of making/ living with his decisions . After all, its his life.

I guess what has bothered me recently, though, is that he tends to get very defensive when you ask him the simplest questions. A few days ago was the latest example of this behavior. I sent him a rather short, but impartial e-mail to be sure that he was going to spend both Christmas and Thanksgiving with his girlfriend's family.

I did this for two reasons:

1.) I really wanted to know how my holiday would be spent (was I going to have to once again figure out a way to evenly divide my time with both parents.)

2.) I was hoping that he would at least spend one holiday with our family and share with us the joy of the season.

Obviously, this was not the case. He got very defensive about the e-mail I sent, we argued, and we basically left it at me telling him, "if you don't want anyone (family) to know where you will be, why do you bother with anyone (family) at all?

Since I have sent that e-mail, we have not spoken, and the tradition of me being in the middle of a real life "Kramer Vs. Kramer" looks like it will continue further.

It makes me wonder how families get like this? I realize now that my own fear of committing to someone is somehow related to the fear that I will end like my parents have and my child would become a smaller version of who I am right now.

Since my brother has taken a permanent vacation from the family, I wonder if I will ever have an out from the family holiday drama, and if I did would I take it?

I can't say that I know for sure at this point, but if families are suppose to be filled with unconditional love, why do we put so many conditions on our loved ones to be a certain way and do certain things?

Anyway.... Despite the apprehension and stress I have about the holidays, this particular holiday was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I did have to spend the majority of my time making sure I spent equal times at both my parents home, but there are some things that I am thankful for:

I am happy that both my dinners with my parents were peaceful and loving.

I am glad that two of my very bestfriends thought to call me on Turkey Day to wish me a nice holiday and say that they were "thankful" they had me as a friend.

I am thankful that I got to spend the entire weekend with my very close friend from Boston and we did nothing but laugh the whole time.

I am happy about hearing my one friend, who I think will be a great mother, is pregnant!

And...

Most of all, I am happy that despite how dysfunctional my family is, that I have one, and in their own way, love me for my flawedperfection.

Someone who is wise (and I can't remember their name) said "Death and Holidays bring out the worst in families." I have to say that this person wasn't far off, but I guess I am starting to learn, that the chaos that comes with having a family is better than the silence of not having one at all.

Arrested Development Cancelled

Why is it that shows that are written for Intelligent people never stay on the air for very long?

This television season I have seen two shows that I loved to watch get cancelled. The first show was "Dead Like Me". The show was dramedy about Green Reapers. The actors were great, and the writing was better than great. However, after only two seasons, Showtime decided to pull the plug on this excellent show. Rest assured though, you long-time members of Showtime, you're after hours soft-core porn comes on like clockwork, and they have even added the movies onto the On Demand Feature that Comcast has ::GRR:::

The other show that I have watched religiously, was Arrested Development. This show aired on Fox. Yes, I am aware that Fox News is evil and most of their shows, are for those with a 3rd grade attention level. Arrested Development, however, was different. The show took you inside the zany lives of the Bluth Family. A upper-class family coping with the reality that their father is in prison and the one son (played by Jason Bateman-- So cute!), who was tryiing to save the family business. Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman), attempts to restrict their families former extravagent lifestyle habits, while his family disobeys everything he tells them and continues to spend money they think they have, but in reality don't have at all. It was wonderfully funny. If you had slightly above average intelligence you could see this show was well acted, and extremely well-written. Fox, sadly, didn't give the show a fair shake. They cancelled the EMMY-AWARD WINNING show, only after 2 seasons, and within those 2 seasons they put it up against Monday Night football, and never gave the show proper advertising.

In the days when shows are reality this or reality that. When shows like Wife-Swap, and that stupid Gauntlet on MTV still manage to stay on the air. It makes me wonder if the intelligence level in America is sinking? I won't deny that there are shows that are on T.V. right now that I think are wonderful. In particular, Grey's Anatomy, and Desperate Housewives (though Wisteria Lane's writing has taken a nose dive since last season.) Also, I will admit, since I need a brain break once in a while, that I do watch Laguna Beach ( You gotta love Kristin- she is fabulous!) and Next on MTV. However, I always wonder why shows that are well-acted, well-written, get cancelled?

I wonder if the days of intelligent acting and writing no longer exist? It will be a sad day for me when the only choices I have to watch on television will be Hope and Faith, Two and Half Men, Joey, Freddie, or replicate the book "1984" by watching those stupid reality shows like the Real World and Road Rules Challenges (again, why are those people famous? They must be the most glorified losers that have ever existed.)

I can't help wondering with this latest blow with Arrested Development being cancelled. What kind of entertainment will be on T.V. for those who have above average intelligence?


I guess its time for me to catch up on my reading.....

First blog/My first date in 6 months

This is my first post on blog. I must admit that I have never done anything quite like this before, and I can't guarantee that I will post something on a consistent basis. However, I am really looking forward to sharing stories that have occurred in my life, and I welcome any and all comments (whether they are good or bad). One thing you must know before I continue, is that I am gay male, in my late 20's, in the Philadelphia area. Most of the stories I will be sharing from my life will be stories from school and work, stories about my friends and some stories about my dating life. The blog you are going to read below contains information about my frist date in 6 months. To give you some background information, I met this guy online about a month ago. I have been growing more tired of the bar scene. I started graduate school about 2 years ago, and this resulted in my decline in going out to bars and clubs. I have never, in my experience, found someone who I can actually have more than a one night stand with in a bar. Ålthough, I must say that I am not looking for marriage off the bat, I certainly would like to meet someone with the expectation that the pleasure I will have with them will go beyond an hour. Anyway, back to information on my date. So, we finally decide to meet and what you read below is what happened. I swear everything that occurred is the whole truth. I am interested in knowing if these things ever happened to you? If it hasn't, please tell me what you have done to avoid these situations. I swear if I had a nickle for everytime I had a date like this one.. ..........


We talk on Friday night and we decide to meet at a netural location at 2 the next day. We meet up, he looked nice, and we decide to go and get pizza (Keep in mind that this date orginally was only suppose to be for pizza.)

Well, we get to the pizza place, and things are going really well. There is one comment he makes about being a baptist, which freaked me out a little, but other than that, I was really enjoying his company. He is very smart, has a great laugh, kind of cute-- just really good company. After we grab some pizza, he says, "Do you want to catch a movie?". I am like "Sure". He says, "Do you want to see the new Harry Potter Movie". I wanted to say "NOOOOO", but I just told him, "yeah" (Harry Potter isn't my cup of tea.) So, we get in his car, and this is where the date goes way down hill.

We are heading to the movie theatre, and he brings up his religion again (he is baptist, remember), and talks about God this and God that (we've only been on the date for an hour!) He starts asking me about what religion I am, what church do I belong to, how often I go to church, etc.? I am like, "I rather not talk about this right now"

Then he moves onto whether I have ever had sex with a woman. I am like "No, I haven't". He gives me this bizarre look. I say, "What is that look about". He says " you're only 28" (he's 36), and he said "If you were 60 and never had sex with a woman, then I would be concerned". I say "Why do I need to have sex with a woman. I know who I am and I know that is not something I want to do." He says, "Well, every gay person should have straight sex once to see what is like." So, I say, "Well does that work in the reverse, do all straight people need to have sex with their same sex to be sure that they are straight?"

It was such a ludicrous statement to make.

He is like "No, they don't." Then I am like, "Why is there a double standard, and why is it perceived that because you are straight, you know your sexuality more than a gay person?"

Anyway, he backs off of that topic, and moves onto to other things... Keep in mind I am still in this man's car..... So, he then goes on to talking about why "us" gay people can't be in a long term relationships. I am like "Well, why can't all straight people stay in long term relationships." He is like, well, statistics, blah, blah, blah (I tuned out after that). I basically said that "everyone is looking for the best package for them and sometimes that is hard to find, and it is hard to get it once you find it, because your idea of perfection may not look at you and feel the same way."

Then he says.. I kid you not.. "Well, we all know only one person is perfect, and he died for our sins."

Inside my head, I am like "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH".

So, I get through the movie, because he paid for it, and I knew it would be rude to runaway at that moment.

Towards the end of the evening, my friend calls from Boston, to finalize his plans for when he comes to visit. We talk on the phone for 5 minutes (no more than that.) Well, don't you know he starts asking questions about him, and how long he will be here, and why does he have to stay with me.. Doesn't he have family here, etc, etc, etc. I am like, are you f**king kidding. This date lasted 8 hours, and you would have thought we were together for 8 years.

So, I respond by saying, "No he doesn't have anywhere else to stay and if he did, he would still stay with me." OMG! What a mess.

I hate to call this date a nightmare, because he wasn't rude, mean, or crass, but he was so one way and I was another.

I mean, its great he found God and everything, but I certainly don't think that is a good conversation to have with someone who has only known you an hour.

Plus, I don't do the whole one date and you're married thing.,

So, I think we won't go out again.

I know this post is really long, but its my frist one! If anyone read this, I am wondering what you would have done if you were in my shoes?