The Holiday Buzz

Tonight was interesting evening involving the holiday season.

My Mom had her annual gathering of her relatives at her house, for good food and hopefully to inspire people to have good moods.

I said inspire, because it never ceases to amaze me how awkward family get togethers can be for families--especially my Mother's family. Of course, there are a multitude of reasons why they seem to never to be as comfortable as they should be, but there isn't enough space on this blog for me to elaborate about it.

That said, however, I have to say that the gathering at my Mother's house this year was actually a lot of fun. Of course there were times I had sarcastic remarks to make (just because that is my nature). However, I only expressed these things to my best friend, because she was there and because I knew she understood.

These items of sarcasm included: seeing a video of my cousin skydiving, my Step Father insisting showing the family a DVD of our most recent trip to Disney World, my uncle showing a clip of a Christmas museum that he wants "all the family to "attend", and not mention my Aunt's 3 year old grandson screaming the whole time-- it was actually not bad.

Except for my one uncle. My one uncle who is at best 300 lbs. comes into my Mom's house and the first thing he says to me is that "you have put on weight, you look like your Dad." Granted, I have grown used to the idea of hearing that I look like my father, but generally speaking, this was at best was meant to be something that was suppose to get to me.

Then my uncle proceeded to ride my ass about how a recent e-mail I sent to him included not misspelled words, but incorrect words (i.e., wholes instead of holes, hire instead of higher)-- which by the way Microsoft spellcheck changed and I hit replace all without paying attention.

After he felt to highlight this to me, he then went onto to ask me how to spell frugal because he was listening in on a conversation between me and my best friend.

Finally, my Uncle, before he left decided to give me some "wisdom" on his way out the door. He told me that because I was overweight, it causes jeans to create holes in the crotch area of the pants and it wasn't merchandiser's fault for my crappy pants, but my own for being overweight.

I won't deny to you that I have put on weight. However, in the last 6 months, I have actually stop gaining weight and have leveled off, in result of going to the gym. I am proud of this achievement and I am happy to say that I weigh 206 lbs, because I finally am not gaining weight, and hopefully soon i will no longer be in this weigth-class.

However, beyond that and beyond my own goals to lose weight. I think it was awful of him to point out something that was truly meant to make me feel bad. We all have a tendency to say hurtful things unintentionally-- perhaps once to someone an evening-- but saying other remarks 3 additional times in one night, makes me wonder WHY he was so focused on my own faults.

I can't pretend that my weight doesn't bother me and I can't pretend his remarks won't stay with me as I am trying to lose this weight. However, I feel it really goes over the line to point out someones flaws again and again.

Then again, I only see him once a year so he might feel the need to get his digs in.

Besides that, why should I really care about his opinion when I barely see him?

Though, it does bother me. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Yes Waiter, I will have the Aggravation, Frustration and a Side of Irritation

I can't help it lately everyone, I have been in an funk. And I am not sure why I feel so blue.

I guess there are a few reasons and I will share them with you now.

Reason # 1:

Lately, I have been reading certain writings from a person I used to know. While in the general sense, I shouldn't care what this person does, says, or otherwise chooses to do with their life-- it does irritate me when this person say or does things in a way that makes them feel like a martyr in every situation. This is especially true, when I find that they have stolen an idea of mine that I casually shared with them on the street, and decide to guise under the pretense that it was their own idea.

What idea you may ask.

Well, I will be happy to tell you. I went back to Graduate School at an IVY league university 3 years ago to get my degree. I went with the intention to learn how to run a non-profit organization. While I would like to share what type of non-profit with you online, I am afraid those who originally stole my goal, might also steal my well-planned ideas. Of course knowing that this idea would not be able to be done with the previous education I had, I went back to school to get the tools I needed to make this happen. Granted, I will tell you that I am about 10 years away from making this happen, but aren't your dreams suppose to be planned out for the long-term if you want for them to succeed?

Enter stealer of thoughts.

After I ran into said person on the street, this person posted on their profile how they "wanted to open a non-profit." Much to my dismay and irritation, I tried to ignore this for many months. However, lately, I have become bugged this person who has no advanced education, who has not one day done one thing that has benefited no one other than himself, has proclaimed now to be the gay mother theresa of the gay community.

My irritation runs deep with this, and you know it shouldn't. I know I should feel happy that someone jump onto my idea to do something more with their lives. However, because I knew this person and know that they haven't changed one bit since I knew them as a friend, I truly know that this person is more about the glory than the effort. This person has completely negated any type of education that it would be required to do something like a non-profit and although has yet to do something with their idea-- has really put a sour taste in my mouth, because I feel by them posing this as their vision takes away from the effort, hard work and dedication I have had with trying to get my dreams accomplished.

You don't just blink your eyes and boom something happens, and this person doesn't even care to know what type of work you have to do to get to the goal of creating a non-profit.. All they care about is the attention it will give to them. And that to me just diminishes any work other people like myself are doing to make a difference.

Again, though, I should let it go.

Reason #2.

Two people I use to know--who are also gay-- got engaged recently. The engagement isn't what bothers me, its how these supposed "friends" bothered to tell me. One of the pair IMs me to basically brag about their engagement. Please keep in mind as I am telling you this that this couple has invited every other person I know to their parties and have neglected to extend the same courtesy to me. They both have these exclusive circle of people and if you are their flavor at that moment, then you are in--if not you're out (think jelly of the month club). So while I am happy that two people who are gay found happiness in each other, I really am not altogether happy for them.

I don't wish them any ill well, but I feel when someone only wants to speak with you online for 30 seconds to brag about how they got engaged and then immediately signs off when they ask how you are doing because "their laptop battery is dying," isn't someone I feel the strong need to give a shit about. These people are rude, nasty, stuck-up-shit for brain people. No one needs these type of people to plague their live--least of all me-- so while I can't be happy for them, I certainly can block them from seeing me online.

Reason # 3

This man that I have been dating for 2 months has started to really bother me right around the time I am starting to grow some feelings for him. Its an impossible situation for me to find something that feels right in the romantic context. Since we have begun dating, this guy and I have text each or spoken via phone every, single, day-- until yesterday and today that is. This man suddenly decides to not talk to me, and when I called him yesterday to talk to him about it, he tells me that he has food poisoning. He said that "he got my messages, but was too sick to respond."

So, I see, your well enough to care to see who is writing you, but you are too sick to give a crap that is me. Oh, did I mention that he has been telling me his Dad is in ICU and of course when I didn't hear from him, thought his Dad was perhaps dead? You would think when you date someone and you spend most of your time talking about how fearful you are over your father's health, that the one day you would not talk to them they would at least convey the message: "hey, I am sick, will talk to you later." But, no, apparently that is too much to ask of someone apparently.

In addition, I feel like I am the one who is constantly being the first one communicating with him, and the one who is arranging all our dates. I am tired of feeling this way. I am often the planner with getting together with my friends and I don't want to translate that into my relationship. Why must I be the one to convey something to someone? Must be the planner of everything? It has to be equal for me.. if it isn't, I got to bail.. I am just so tired of feeling like I am running in circles.

I guess these are just a few of my reasons. I am starting to let these things affect my spirit, and I am starting to believe the only factors in life are if you have money, and if you are an asshole to everyone, and to make yourself a pusher and NOT a pushee. Heaven forbid if you are nice person or try to be nice to others, because really all they do is shit on you.

Its been a really difficult time for me lately, I feel like I have been nothing but pushed around and I don't know how much longer I can take being someones punching bag. I'm not perfect, but I am not evil. So, why do I feel like I am being treated like the shit people push underneath a rug?

Despite feeling this way, I am starting to care less and less about things and I don't know how to make that stop. I think that scares me the most, the lack of concern I have for it all. While I am aggravated, frustrated and irritated, the bottom line is I feel like I am cocooning into this shell and some days, I feel like I never want to come out of it.

The Weight Of The World

The State of the world has really begun to concern me. Especially, the feelings America's youth is facing these days. With all the pressures to succeed in society and be the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect lover, the perfect everything-- it really creates a receipe for an impossible feast.

With all these school shootings, suicides, people on anti-depressents, getting gastric- bypasses, facelifts, tummy tucks, etc. I can help but wonder what happened to individuality and feeling that you are enough?

The latest issue that has occurred that has made me question how we, as people, are in society, comes as a result of yet another school shooting that has occurred in my area. A teenage boy stole his father's gun, left his house, went into the school and killed himself.

All because his grades weren't up to par.

This young man was an Eagle Scout, a volunteer fireman, and was on various other committees at his school. Yet, because he had one bad report card period and his parents told him to shape up his grades or he will have to pull back on his extra curricular activities, he made a decision to take his own life.

It makes you wonder if this young man was so desparate to end his own life based on such a small situation, who else could be out there on the same fence, feeling the same emotions this boy had?

There is no doubt that as a teenager or even as an adult you feel desparate at times. You feel that NO ONE knows or even cares (at times) to know of what you are going through. And that even going through your normal day can feel like an impossible task.

It just makes me sad when someone takes the option behind door# 2 that ends not only those terrible feelings, but fails to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I was a child there were so many times that I felt like an outcast with the people around me. As a result, I would try to connect with people with my personality (I still do this, actually), and would overachieve in school, just to get positive praise and attention from my family.

And when I wasn't successful at either one of those things, I have to say that I felt my world was over.

Fortunantely, for me though, I kept going. I don't know how or even why, but I did. It certainly isn't easy to wake up and have a bay day or to feel sad, or feel like a failure, even. I just wish that people would talk more about how these are normal emotions to have and to give someone the guidance that they will get better.

You can't read minds or hearts, and you just don't know what someone else is thinking/feeling. And you certainly can't tell if or when someone would be willing to do something so drastic to themselves--even if they are your friend.

It just makes me incredibly sad to see a promising person, who had so much ahead of them in life, cut their life short over a minor situation.

Of course, wih me saying this, I realize it wasn't so minor, but I just wish society talked more about how it is normal to feel many of the emotions this young man had felt.

How can this be done?

What Do You When.....

You don't want to hurt someones feelings, but you also don't want to do something out of obligation?

Goodness Gracious! Its not even Christmas and I am ALREADY thinking about my birthday at the end of January.

In case you didn't know, each year I organize a birthday dinner, in my honor. To this dinner, I invite all my friends and a select few from my family. Its a blast!

Anyway, I don't EVEN know how this subject evolved, but the question of whether I would invite a certain coworker of mine to my b-day dinner came up today.

Here is where the problem lies:

I am very friendly with a good portion of my coworkers, and these people do indeed work with this other person that my friend, who is also my coworker, was asking me about. However, this person would be described--at best-- as socially awkward.

This obviously makes me feel at a crossroads on what to do. There is the one side of me who doesn't want to hurt the feelings of one of the coworkers that I eat lunch with, while I invite the other two. And then there is this feeling that keeps coming into my head about how this person will come, say something rather obnoxious or what would be considered rude (of course not on purpose), and create some hidden tension at the table.

I am not particularly close to this coworker, but I don't HATE him either. My friend said that I should just invite him, because she doubts he will go AND if he does, then she will babysit him.

That's all fine and good, I guess... But I can't help feeling that why should I invite someone to my own 30Th b-day dinner, that I would rather not be there overall? Again, I realize it sounds cruel, but if its my night I feel I shouldn't have to worry about the reactions of my friends in the room about what this person might say--which,again, I think, is unpredictable.

I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings and I don't want to put my two friends in a potentially awkward position. However, I really feel that this person will come off as "bizarre" to my other friends who have had zero interaction with him up to this point--which I believe could cause his feelings to be hurt inadvertently.

Perhaps I am obsessing about an non-issue.. But this constantly happens to me. I am always in these situations that I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Honestly, I am cringing in horror of what this person can be like at my dinner ( did I mention he doesn't drink or watch television and has this rude habit of cutting everyone off during conversations?) and just seeing what type of reaction that could evolve from his presence.

I feel if anyone is going to be obnoxious at my dinner, it should be me... I feel I shouldn't have to worry about the actions of someone else on my special day. Furthermore, I really rather not feel like I have to explain someones bizarre behavior to 20 of my friends before my own dinner.

Its very early in the game to be thinking about my b-day, but I have to see this person everyday and I rather not have to deal with any awkwardness at work from my decision.

Am I a horrible person for feeling this way?

HELP!!!

**Calling out for Tab's advice on this one.. You have interacted with this person, and I know can provide me with some good insight on the situation**

Boycott the Gap, and I hate those Bath Fitter Commercials

Today this blog is only going to express grievances I have with coporate america.

My first issue is with the gap. If you are someone who is in the same age bracket as I am, you grew up feeling that the gap was not only the epitome of cool, it was a store where you got great clothing from. However, I feel that those days are gone and here is why:

9 months ago I purchased 4 pairs of jeans from them, only to find currently they all have tears in the crotch area of my pants. Before you ask, I got the correct size for my body, etc. I am so unbelievably frustrated not only because I am out 200.00, but because the gap customer service has been less than forthcoming with giving me a response other than an automated message. I am so frustrated by the lack of effort by the gap to produce a high quality of clothing-- eventhough they spiked up their prices for them, and by how their customer service/marketing/public relations team seemingly doesn't care enough to accomodate a loyal customer, such as myself, when they express a grievance with their products.

Bottom Line: Avoid the gap.. Unlesss you have nothing better to do than to burn a big pile of money.

Now onto those stupid-ass bath fitter commercials.

In case you don't know who bath fitter is. Its a company in my area that replaces your tub, by not removing it, but by putting a newer cover over it. In other words, it gives your bathroom a face lift.

I HATE them, not because they prodcue a poor product-- I have no idea if they do or not because I never used them. I despise them because they have the WORSE commercials in history and they always come on at a time when I am about to get out of bed in the morning.

Example #1: Women looks at her tub.. and SCREAMS in horror. Imagine just waking up and having to deal with that commercial.. Every, single, day.. And just so you know the woman's shreek is like nails to a chalkboard.

Example #2, 3, 4: They have managed to create a "jingle" for their commericals. This jingle is sung by people who are faux opera singers, frank sinatras, and a fake banjo group--thats right a faux banjo group. In addition to the awful replication of familiar types of singers/genres/groups, they are singing the worse song in history.

The jingle goes something like this:

Rub a Dub a Dub,
You have grout in your tub,
And you won't find a price that fits,
Call Bath Fitter,
We're the perfect fit.

I'm sorry but anything that starts with Rub a Dub Dub sung in any voice--especailly in a faux operatic voice, should be grounds for their commercials to be censored.

They seriously need a new marketing team.

Am I alone in this assessment?