Resisting The Impulse

You advice is requested and needed..

So, here is the situation. About 2 months ago I met a guy. He is a nice guy. He treats me well, very attentive and very smart. He loves animals (as do I), and when we are together we have a great time. Although he is slightly older than I am, I never think about that when we are together and I never think all the negative things that could occur when you put yourself out there when you are dating someone.

However, since we began dating his father has been very ill. He has been in and out of the hospital with serious medical aliments. Of course, because of this crisis, it has really put a strain on the time that we actually spend together. Because we have only been dating for a short period of time, it has made it even more difficult to get to know one other.

Since I have so many bad dating outcomes, I, of course, am very protective over my heart. At this moment, I don't question the vailidity of his issues, but I can't help but to wonder whether we will actually be able to spend the needed time together required to make this work.

We spoke on the phone last night and both of us have definied our situation as dating and we both feel at this point we are still dating one another, and I feel are committed to make this work. He even said that he has "amazing" taste in men, which, of course, made my heart do a little pitter-pat.

He is a genuine person, I believe. However, I can't be sure of this. I can't be sure that this will work, and I cannot be sure that we will be able to truly get to know one another.

Its no secret that I have trust issues with dating.. But how can I ignore the impulse I have that is saying "run before you get hurt," and really take the chance of being with someone special?

HELP!!

Metropolitan Village

So, here is a slight preview into my life.

Almost 6 years ago a friend of mine left Philadelphia for this great job opportunity in Tokyo. As a result, because I needed a place to move into at the time, took over the lease to his apt.

Since my time here I have grown accustomed to where I live and have enjoyed the conveince of living in a downtown area. Although, I must say my apt. isn't perfect-- for instance, I have this annoying fly in my apt. that has been haunting me all weekend that I can't seem to kill and won't die-- I have really enjoyed the cheap price of my place and the large living space that I have.

Fast forward to the 26th of October of 2006, where I receive a letter from my landlord telling me that he may sell the properties that he has as rental properties (he owns three different ones on my block).

Here is the problem: Everything in my particular area has been going condo-- and I mean everything. Parking lots have been torn down, abandon building and old style brownstones. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is being reserved for renters.

To add insult to injury, they have renamed my area to "Metropolitan Village". The area that I have live(d) in 5 and 1/2 years prior was name Washington West.

Its bugs me that this name transformation has occurred.

Of COURSE, they would need to change the name to make it sound more appealing to all the new condo owners that are potentially evicting me and other renters to move into an area that was pretty great to live in prior to their arrival.

I am sad for myself, because I know that if I move I won't have the steal that I have now, AND I am angry that people have come in, changed my area to make it more appealing, and I probably won't have the benefit of actually being able to stay here to enjoy it.

I am all about gentrification. However, I really don't see why renters have to move and I don't see WHY the name of my area needed to change. My aspirations, now that I am done grad. school is to become a city planner. However, I can't help but to be pretty sad over the fact that I may never reep the benefits of living in area that has been completely transformed.

Maybe I am a little bitter.. But I really have a great lease here and I will be sad if I have to give that up!!

Stay tuned to find out what happens..

Kelly, Clay and Rosie.. Someone needs to put a hand over all of their mouths

Goodness Gracious! The controversey that is brewing from a stupid gesture that was done on Clay Aiken's behalf.

In case you missed it... Clay Aiken this past Friday co-hosted with Kelly Ripa. Apparently there was one part of the show, when Kelly wouldn't let him speak, that he covered her mouth-- probably half joking and half serious-- to get in some words.

Fast Forward to yesterday, when Ripa spent (and I saw this episode and this moment) about 5 minutes discussing how rude it was of Clay to do what he did, and how upset she was by it.. Blah, blah, blah..

Anyway (and I saw this too), today, Rosie and the rest of her co-host spoke on the view about it and showed this now infamous clip.. Rosie said that she felt Ripa's comment after Aiken covered her mouth of: "No, no, no, I don't know where you hand has been honey," came off as homophobic.

Additionally, Ripa called in and defended herself and said that it was more about disrespect and NOT about sexuality. Rosie combatted her response by saying "that is how it looked to me as a gay woman".

The segment between Ripa and O'Donnell about the debate of Aiken's action on Ripa's show was about 10 minutes-- no kidding.

I just find the whole thing is ridiculous. Its time to get real here and all of these people need to get a grip.

Aiken shouldn't have done it.. Although, I am sure, it wasn't intentionally disrespectful. He should have thought about his actions. It was stupid of him and he is socially retarded-- we all see that--- so he should have never agreed to do that. He should apologize to Ripa for his actions....

HOWEVER, so should Ripa. You just don't go on the air that Monday, Kelly Ripa, knowing that you are a celebrity and that your show is watched all over the states and spend 5 minutes chastising his actions on the show. Get real. You should have been an adult as well and addressed the situation backstage. I mean, you're pissed.. I got that, but really, as a celebrity, you should know by now, that whatever you say, you MUST know that it will be critiqued and analyzed by anyone. It was unprofessional on her part to use her show's platform, to air her personal griveances.

Now, onto Rosie. Ripa's comments are no where near an indication of her being homophobic. Not at all!!! I am a gay male. . I would know if it was viewed that way. Rosie, Ripa was correct that everything that is said isn't an indication that she hates gays.. Re-evaluate your actions when you speak.. As with Ripa, you need to know the power of your own voice.

The bottom line is that EVERYONE is making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just insane that these people have nothing else to worry about other than dealing with such a small thing. They all need to get a grip and get off their high horses..

Everyone it was just a hand... Really.. Grow up!

Does the Rose really exist?

I hate being pissed off. Especially when it involves men.

It seems that everytime I meet a guy that involves a romantic connection, I tend to forget about all those duds and hapless situations that occurred before this person enters my life-- and by the time I remember-- the guy I am currently seeing is doing the same things that piss me off in previous situations.

It just seems so incredibly un-fucking fair that I go through this merry go-round when it comes to my life.

The pattern is the same, but the only difference is that the co-lead characters change.

The dating starts out the same. I meet a seemingly nice guy, we hang out and have a good time, we talk, and then-- out of the blue-- something happens.

Less of a commitment on his side.. More work being done by me and in the end all that I am left with is wondering how did it all go wrong.

I am so fucking, fucking, fucking, FUCKING tired of it. Why can't I just accept that men suck, and that whenever I feel like something is going my way romantically, I should just KNOW that this is the sign of the end.

I read in a book once that the idea of everyone having a true love is total bullshit. And I use to think that this author was crazy.. However, considering that I can't even get commitments for people to hang out with me, maybe their theory isn't so far-fetched.

I realize that life isn't fair and more importantly I am not guaranteed anything. I have really taken steps back romantically to approach the dating life with a new sense of direction.

To be honest though, I am getting sick of it. I am getting sick of it all. Just unfair. I am tired of men being the cowards that they are, and I am tired of feeling like I am left out to dry..

FUCK MEN AND FUCK ROMANCE--- there I said the words I have always wanted to say for the longest time but were too afraid to do..

Maybe Bette Midler's song the rose had a point.. "Some Say Love is for the Lucky and the Strong".. maybe I am neither one of those..

But I know this much, I am done with it.... My life may not never be complete, but at least it isn't going to piling up a collection of romantic dissappointments.

Torn

Why is it that everyting in your social calendar occurs with the same three days, weeks, or months?

Right now I am slightly torn on what I should do for a friend, and what I really want ot do with my other set of friends.


I have a freind who is getting married in June. She is a wonderful person and I have known her since my freshman year of highschool. This friend has helped me through some really difficult times. I treasure our times together, and she has never asked me to do anything for her upcoming wedding-- except help her with her bridal registry. Now, if you were to know me or even look at me, you would know that THIS is not something anyone would think I would be good at assisting with these type of situations. However, I think she isn't asking me to go for my advice on dishes as much as she wants for me to be a part of something for her.... which makes saying no all the more difficult.

Now, here is where the problem lies. I was invited out this evening with another set of my really good friends. People who I enjoy on a daily basis, to a evening at a local bar to play Quizzo. I really want to hang out with them, because I know I will be laughing all evening and relaxed and there is always the potential that I could win something..

I feel so torn over what I want to do versus knowing what I should do.

It just seems so unfair, and quite frankly I am hopping mad about these situations. I don't understand why ones social calendar could be blank for months-- to the point you are desparate to do anything-- and with an instant you have so many obligations/social events you have no idea how to prioritize them.

I guess I could never have anything to do, and that would totally suck. I just feel like though when you are torn like this, you are always disappointing someone.. Furthermore, you always feel like you are doing the one thing you feel obligated to do, instead of doing what you really want..

What's a boy to do?