Back on the Saddle Again.

I have avoided dating quite a bit recently, and it appears now, by sheer default, I am back in the game.

Lately, I have been meeting boys through Internet personals, and they have seemed very nice.. Actually, what I like to call "Too Nice" . The guys have been saying all the right things, have been really eager to talk to me, and have been just overall engaging. However, and I hope this makes sound too synical: I am suspcicious.

I have learned that most men put on their best packages (especially when you are talking to them over the phone, or e-mail) when you first meet them, and only after you have started to pursue something with them do they show you their very dark, crazy, colors.

For instance, A boy that I meeting up with tomorrow after my class for coffee sent me a text message this morning to say. . "I can't wait to see you tomorrow- I hope you are well." To wake up to this type of behavior scares me. The boys i have met who have done this, almost ALWAYS either want to get into your pants, OR are just plain nuts. So, although my apprehension results from prior experience, I hope you can understand why I just didn't bother to write him back just yet.

Also, another boy that I have been talking to, just IMed me online, to say to me "I hope you are having a great day".. Very sweet, but this also is a sign of too much too soon. Because I ddin't want for him to think I was ignorning him I said "Thank you, I hope you are as well." This of course led into what I like to call the "What Is" game. If you have dated, you know this game.

In case you don't know.. It goes something like this:

What is your favorite game? What is your favorite TV shows? What is that you do during your free time? What is your family like? What is one thing you don't like in boys? What is the one thing you like in boys?

Too much too soon.

Of course we have made a date for early next week, and though I know I could very easily cancel, I am wondering if I am being too negative too quickly. The only crime both of these boys have done is actually demonstrate that they are... well.. interested in me.

I just don't know when dating became this complicated in life. I use to be someone who embraced anyone, and gave everyone a shot, and now, I just feel like I have this huge wall up. I don't know when it happened or how, but I do know that I have built it SO high, that I am not even sure Prince Charming could make it over.

So, am I being too negative or shallow, or am I just being smart? You tell me..

Procrastination- My New Best Friend

A sign that you are procrastinating, is when you are actually taking the time to write about your procrastination and don't feel an ounce of guilt for doing so.


I have been pretty unapologetic lately for lazy attitude. Instead of using every possible free second (which are only weekends, because I work a full-time job during the week) I have in my life for schoolwork, I have been going to clubs and hanging out with my friends at various coffee shops in the pursuit of men. When I decided to take on a new adventure (i.e., taking two Grad. Courses, and not the one I usually do), I knew it would be more work, more dedication and more moments of me wanting to rip my hair. However, as much as I have tried to be motivated for my classes, I am not. Although, I am excited about the material and enjoy each class, I haven't, after a month of classes, felt stressed out from an assignment. Furthermore, I don't even feel a smige of remourse for not reading all the materials that have been assigned in my classes.

I feel rather perplexed about my new behavior. Having my newest best friend procrastination by my side for every waking moment of my life, is a very new and unique experience for me. If one of my friends could describe my behavior before this, I think the word obsessed would come many, many, many, many times. I was obsessed with doing the schoolwork within the timeframe that was asked, and overcritical of my work, so that anything I handed in was absolutely flawless.

However, since this semester has started, I have been very lackadasical about my schoolwork. Even though the amount of work that has been assigned to me has been astronomical! I have had to read SO Much material, and I have only penetrated through only a quarter of what I am suppose to be reading. I know that most students never really get through their reading and we all B.S. our way through classes, I just have never in my academic career have done this until now-- I know, I am GIANT dork!

I wish I can really say I have regrets about it, but I don't. I wish I can say I will change my attitude immediately, but I won't. What I can tell you though, is that when the time does come when I need to buckle down, I hope that I am ready! I still am hoping for my A's this semester. I'll keep you posted if I lived up to my expectations:)

When Did It Become Ok?!

For Losers to Hit on you at Bars?

Recently this has happened to me quite a bit, and I am frustrated.

In my feeble attempt to deal with the worse holiday of year, I went out on Monday (Karaoke) night to my local, friendly bar for a cocktail consisting of a glass of sprite. As I was minding my own business and enjoying making a mockary with an aquaintance of mine of all the sappy love songs people were singing, this guy asks me about the song selections. I told him that I didn't know, and from there, he starts generating a conversation with me.

The man, who was very polite, goes on to tell me he is from New Orleans, but was pushed out of there after the hurricane, and is now living by the shore line of New Jersey. I tell him I am sorry for everything he had to go through, he says thank you. Overall, it was a friendly conversation. As the conversation progresses, he asks me to sing a song with him. I told him I might, depending upon when I get called on for the first song I put in (By this time it was 11, and I put my song in at 9:30), because I can't be there all night.

So, he increases the flirting with each item that comes out of his mouth. I am still playing it cool-- although he was cute, I really wanted to see if there was a catch to his behavior. Eventually, I come to find out from him that he is in a 8 year, open relationship. Now, while I appreciate this man's honesty, at that moment I wasn't interested in nothing more than a friendship tie with him. I tried to not make this entirely obvious, but I have never been good at hiding my emotions.

I guess after he felt my reaction, he goes "Listen, its only one night-- just because I am not going to marry you, doesn't mean we can't have a good time"

Now, ordinarily I would rant about this reaction. However, I am turning a new leaf in my life ( or at least at the moment, I just don't have the energy to speak about it), so I will let the words speak for themself.

I just really want to know.....

When did it become ok for Men to act this way toward potential mates? Does he think that I am unpaid escort, creeping around the bars, looking for men to bang me-- no matter what they look like, their self-worth, or, whether or not they have a steady man.

I wish I could say that this NEVER happens, but alas this situation has not been an unique experience in my life. Instead, I have been cornered by many men in my community who are in relationships, but also want to a hot night in the hay. Although I could gather comfort in that this has happened before, I have not heard this happening to many other people that I know, and I am left to wonder if its just how I am, or a vibe that I am giving off, that gives them the impression its ok to treat me like a slut.

Anyway, after he said that I told him that I had an early morning and he should probably call his boyfriend and tell him that he loves him. Even though it wasn't the usual in your face zinger I would give in this situation, it was one that gave me a smile during my walk home.

One-- We're not the same; We get to carry each other

Echos of U2's song "One" have plagued my head over the past few week.

The song says so much to me, in just 3 short minutes, and this week it has made me think about the relationships I have with my friends.

I have thought about all the friends in my life, and how their lives are so different from the one that I lead.

One example that comes to my mind is a friend of mine that I have known since I was a year old. Our grandparents were buddies, our fathers were best friends growing up, so this logically put us in very close quarters growing up, and by that very nature a close friendship developed.

As time has grown on, and I have move on with my education and moved away from where we grew up together. Her life has seemed to grow in another direction. While my life is filled with worries about my job, grad. school, and finding that soulmate that I believe is out there looking for me. She, on the other hand, got pregnant right out of high school, had her baby's father cheat on her, and for the past 7 years has been fighthing to keep custody of her child and to make ends meet with various jobs.

It amazes me how our lives could start out very similarly, but yet go in such different directions-- and there isn't just one example of this my life (or in your's, I am sure).

Another one that immediately comes to mind, is the relationship with my undergrad. friends. Although the realtionship I have with my undergrad friends is the most sacred friendship I have in this world, as time as moves on, our lives keep changing. They both are married, and will in a short period of time start to have children, and create unbelievably beautiful familes. However, my life seems to them, to stay the same. I am single, not finding love, and playing the field. While, I know (or at least feel for the most part) that this disparity in our lives doesn't change how we feel about each other, it has put an invisible strain in our relationship at times.

For example: When there are dinners, I am the 5th person at the table. When they are often doing "couple things", I am often doing my "Single things". Sure, it can be rather painful at times to be in a room with them, and feel so different from, when it feels it wasn't so long ago that I was so similar to them. However, I guess I am starting to realize changes happen, shifts will occur in each of our lives, and that change is the only constant we have a guarantee will happen in this world.

I have learned that despite how different you feel from the people in your life and how it can make you feel awkward and slightly sad-- its the one thing we should treasure the most.

Our unique differences is make us love each other, and no matter what directions me and my friends take (even if it is in the polar opposite direction), my hope is that we will always remember to love and treasure the qualities that make us so different.

Most importantly, even if it isn't a direction that we would make for ourselves, I hope that we all remember that "We're not the same; We get to carry each other," and in life that is most treasured gift that one person can give to another.

My Birthday Dinner-- Good Times All Around

Warning.. This is is a warm and sappy blog, but I need to have it on here for posterity:)


Friday, I had my annual b-day dinner.

Each year, I con this restaurant in my neighborhood to reserve twenty spots, so people can come by, have dinner, and celebrate me having another year of life.

The dinner was an awesome time.

I know most people really believe this about their friends, and its not always true, but for me it is. I have the most WONDERFUL FRIENDS ever. Each time I see them (especially in this setting), I feel like I am up close with real life celebrities. Although none of my firends are celebrities, other than in my own heart, it is really what it is like.

My friends are the most fascinating people, to me, on this earth. I have so many people who are sincere, honest, kind, compassionate, motivated, and with these characteristics in their daily lives, it makes me want to be more, and do more with my very own.

Each year, I am astonished by the response I get at my dinner. How many people are happy to come from whereever they live to spend time with me, and celebrate a day that means so much to me-- is truly an honor.

I truly feel blessed in this world, to have so many people who love me, and who I can love. They are all the most wonderful people, and my life is so much better because they are in it.

While this dinner was a celebration for me, it really for me, is an elaborate excuse to get all my friends in one room and show my appreciation for them. They make my life so wonderful, and I am so happy that I have each of them in my lives.