Basic Instinct

I have always been told by my Mother that I an very intuitive. As a child I was very popular because of my ability to connect with virtually anyone I meet. This behavior has actually led into my adult life, so much so that my bestfriend Danielle always remarks how I can "get along with anyone."

The secret to being able to "get along with anyone" is to trust your instincts about the person, and believe that they are the best person you have ever met. Its not act that I perform, its what I truly think of the people that I know in this world-- Really.. no lie.. I wouldn't bother with people I know, if I had thought that they weren't. Of course, there are times, when I don't get along with people, but thats usually because they aren't what I consider good people or because they have hurt me in some way.

You have to be wondering why I am telling you this?

Well, the guy I was "Seeing" is the newest member of the Island of Lost Men (please read my previous blog to get the definition). To say that I am disappointed, wouldn't be accurate, but I am definitely wondering why I didn't listen to my Basic Instincts.

My Instincts have always guided me in the right direction in every situation. So, why, when it comes to romance, I constantly make the wrong decisions.

Yesterday I tried to end the situation with the guy I was seeing, because I had a gut feeling he wasn't feeling "us" anymore. I wrote him an IM, telling him that I couldn't make it to our gathering yesterday and that I would just talk to him some other time. However, he wouldn't let me. He told me that he wanted to get together with me and wanted to hang out and have fun. I fell for it- just as I have done in the past. Instead of listening to my gut and my mind, and my BASIC INSTINCTS, I set up myself up for failure once again.

My friends have all told me some valuable information about myself. They have told me how I tend to jump in with both feet when I meet someone I like, and how just as quickly I jump right out. They have mentioned to me how I tend to change in behavior once I become intimate with someone. More importantly, they tell me that I need to RELAX and not expect so much when I meet a guy who I think is cute.

I can't help but think that they are SO right about all these things.. However, I also can't help but wonder if I just left everything up to my basic instincts, my ego wouldn't be brused right now.. I know for certain that I wouldn't be sitting here typing this blog right now, feeling badly about being stood up, and wondering if I am even worthy of finding true love.

How do I prevent this from continuously happening to me?

The Island Of Lost Men!

Men, Men, Men.. Can't live with you, certainly can't live without you.

The other day I was telling my friends that I feared that the man I am currently "Seeing" may end up on the Island Of Lost Men. After stating this to them, my one friend told me that I must write a blog about what the Island Of Lost Men means.

The Island of Lost Men ( terminology came from an episode of Sex and the City-- Season 4), constitues a man who you have gotten together with and the both of you have agreed to meet up again, but to your surprise, he doesn't show.

He Never Calls.

He never Writes

And you most likely will see him 4 months later in a bar, and get to experience a very awkard situation. Although, most of us can admit this has happened to us once or twice in our dating careers, it has happened to me more often than most.

I have been wondering why that seems to be. I mean how I could date someone for a month, and they not even bother to tell me its over? Or, why is it SO hard for someone to say.. Listen, I have thought it over and I don't want to hang out with you afterall?

Sure, there will be questions, possible anger, but isn't it better to give someone a heads up to what your thinking, instead have them wait around for you all night? I mean, afterall, it will be nice to know that you didn't get murder or lost on your way to my house.

In my most recent quest to avoid this potentially very awkward situation, I tried to break it off with the guy I am "Seeing". I know, I know, I know-- What was I thinking?! Well.. I wasn't thinking that this guy could actually be sincere in his desire to meet up with me, or that circumstances beyond his control caused him to actually cancel... I just thought of my very HIGH, THICK Walls, that I have built over my dating career.

Its very hard to look at someone new, as someone different from the rest-- especially when you've gotten so burnt in the past. I mean, I feel like I am the bermuda triangle for gay men. Once they see me, they vanish from the Earth.

All joking aside, standing someone up is not only inconsiderate, it damages someones ego. Its a scary dating world out there, and it would make life a lot of easier if people would give the same respect they wish to receive.

Stay Tuned to see if the guy I am "Seeing" becomes a member of the Island-- I am suppose to see him tonight.. Lets hope that he will show up.. ;)

Dating Classifications

In my most recent discussion involving Love and Romance with my friends, it has come to my attention that some of them do not know the different terms involved with "Dating".

I emphasize "Dating", because the word itself has its own meaning when it comes to defining the "Dating" World. If you are a dedicated reader to my blog, you may have recently read a blog of me talking about a Minister that I am "seeing" (again a completely different meaning when speaking about "Dating").

If you would like to see this blog, please refer to the blog titled: The Thornbirds-- The Gay Version.

My friends, after hearing me emphasize that I am NOT "Dating" this Minister, but admitted to be "Seeing" him, were very perplexed about what could be the difference between these two terms.

Below is some clarification for you and them, that may help you with your current and future dating endeavors. Since I am hoping my readers are not teenagers, I will skip over the ambiguous terms "Hooking Up", or "Be With"-- which is a fancy way for kissing, or doing everything but put the seal on the envelope sexually.


One Night Stand: Means what it says.. Its One Night.. Sometimes a HOT night, Sometimes NOT. In the end, you shared a.. well.. a moment.

Fun on the Side: Means that you have slept with this person more than once, and the possibility is open that you would do it again, but are not guaranteed that it will occur.

F**k Buddy: Means that you have slept with this person at least two times, and have made an agreement with them that you are open to doing it again, and most likely, it will happen many more times in the future. HOWEVER, there is no dinner, usually very little talking-- just sex- NO INTIMACY.

Seeing: Means that you have had sex at least twice. You have talked to this person about phsycial and emotional boundaries. You usually have a little insight into their life (family, friends and career, etc.). You have also discussed what you like or need in someone for a emotional connection. However, neither one of you has made a commitment to make the situation more that a primarily phsycial relationship--- but you both have started to consider what it would be like to have an emotional connection with one another.

Dating: Now, this word complicates everything. Dating means that you have kept your clothes on for most or part of the evening. It means that the two parties who were "Seeing" each other before, have decided to try and see if there is any potentinal for more. Dating often means that you are also DATING other people-- not exclusive at all. You tend to get together once a week, or perhaps twice a week, if you are in the later stages of the dating cycle. You still have an intimate relationship, but the phsycial and emotional elements to the relationship are out in the open, etc.

Relationship: Means that you are exclusively dating this person. This person is your's, and they are not to be with anyone else, under any circumstances. You've had a discussion about your emotional boundaries and feel that this person could potentially be the one, and will likely be with this person for months, years, or possibly a lifetime.

And So This Ends Our Lesson of the Day. This Blog has been brought to you by the Letters: D, A, T, I, N, G and the number 1.

Ryan Seacrest and his use of the Thesaurus

What's up with Ryan Seacrest using BIG words lately?

I have been watching American Idol and I happened to glance over his Interview with Eva Longoria on E!, and lately he has been using these huge words when he speaks.

This, obviously, is a new behavior for him.

Ryan apprarently has decided to follow in the footsteps of other celebrities by using fancy words whenever he is on camera. Just as Mariah Carey uses words like "desolate" in her songs, or Julia Roberts using words like "pontificating" in her interviews, Ryan in his most recent quest to follow the lead, has been using words such as "juxtapose" while he is on T.V.

I find it rather amusing that these celebrities are using these words to prove to the rest of the world that they contain more than 3 brain cells. However, the sad reality is that the more they try to use these words in sentences, without knowing the true meaning of the words, the more retarded they sound.

I realize that celebrities, for the most part, are intelligent people. However, when anyone, including Ryan, tries to use words like "deduce" and "juxtapose" in sentences just to prove how smart they are-- they, in the end, only prove that they are nowhere near as intelligent as they wish to come across as.

So, Ryan, Mariah, and Julia, please try and stop "pontificating" to the world about how smart you think you are, and just be the everyday person we all know you are capable of being.

Its Raining, Its Pouring...

And I am not Singing in the Rain, but I do own the DVD and I am thinking about watching it soon to decompress.

Its raining hard, and its been going on all day. I woke up this morning to find fog against my window pain and massive amounts of water drops.

This weather is completely uninspiring. Today, I had a clear set of goals to accomplish, and I have barely accomplished any of them. My to-do list for today involved me: going to gym (never happened), cleaning the apt. (is not going to happen), and most importantly, getting done my final for my class (made progress, but not nearly enough). I wish I could blame my procrastination solely on the weather (I still believe its a huge part of my lackadasical attitude), but I know a part of my failures today is... Me *Gasp*

The only benefits to procrastination is if you have something more interesting to do while committing the crime. However, since it is RAINING like CATS and DOGS.. I have nothing better to do, but sit around and think about what I have and haven't done lately.. UGH...

I really wish I had more motivation. I wish that I was a more fluid writer than I am, and I wish there was SUN outside.. I am missing it.. BIG TIME. .

The Thornbirds-- The Gay Version

Well.. Maybe not quite as climatic, but a good story to tell nonetheless.

Recently, in my most ambitious search for a mate, I have been enlisting in all these free trials for personals. You know the type I mean. "Try this for 30 days, and we can guarantee you that you will want to stay on and meet Mr. Right. " So I decided to taken on this adventure, and for once, I actually met someone worth mentioning.

Over the past few days, I have been talking to this guy who I will call "Michael." Michael and I have had wonderful conversations, and he just seems like a great guy. The only problem, if there was any, is that he kept on mentioning that he is just a normal, everyday, guy. I felt that it was odd that he emphasized that without an explanation, but I chose to think he was doing it to deter weirdos.

Anyway, after our first meeting I come to find out why he kept mentioning why he was so normal-- and it was actually for a normal reason. He's a Epsicopalian Minister. He thought if he told me intially I would have went packing. To be honest, even after he told me, I question whether I would have actually done so. Michael, despite his very moral job, is actually quite normal, and actually a lot of fun-- well.. if you know what I mean;)

To say that I was shocked about that revelation would be putting it mildly. Perhaps... some of my inhibitions were let go because I realized that he was a man of the cloth-- which perhaps made our whole experience together much better than it would have been ordinarily.

I don't know what it was to be honest, but I have to say that all my pre-conceived notions about people are gone. Well.. perhaps, maybe not, but I will admit this-- when you allow yourself to take chances, the payoff for them can be extroadinarily fruitful.

Oh The Butterflies

A long time ago my friend's ex-boyfriend told him that one of the reasons he ended their long-term relationship was because he "missed the butterflies" that comes with meeting someone new. Although everytime I think about this story, it infuriates me because his reasoning at best is sh*tty, it does make me wonder whether the reason that people don't want to settle down is because the butterflies fade after time?

Lately, I can't help but to admit that I miss the butterflies. I miss meeting a "decent" guy, getting excited about going out on a first date, receiving a first kiss, and the mental excitment that comes with the unknown. Granted, I have never been very patient in the dating department, but there is a part of me that loves feeling like I could be closer to finding "the one." However, as of recently, the only excitment in my love life has been watching a bushel of tumbleweed pass by it. While there have been intimate moments, these moments weren't meant to last longer than the intial encounter. To avoid robbing myself of some real intimacty, recently, I decided to forgoe those random moments and look for something MORE substantial.

However, in my quest to find this, I have come up empty. Its sad to think that my only options may only be those random moments or sitting home alone. I find myself going on personals, and in chatrooms and feeling like that I have either dated/encountered, or have had a friend that has, with each persons' picture I view.

My attempts with the bar scene are no different. Most of the time the guys there are either too old or too young, or quite frankly are just not for me.

To say I am confused on what to do next is an understatement.

All that I do know for sure is that I miss holding/being held by someone, having those magical kisses that give you flashbacks for days on end after they first occur, and just feeling like I can be my REAL self around someone and finding that they believe that I am still adorable.

I realize Prince Charming is taken, but does he have distant gay cousin available? I am in the need for some real magic!

Worlds are COLLIDING?!?!?!?!

In order to understand the subject in my blog, you had to be a religious watcher of the show Seinfeld. If you have never seen the show, put those words into the google search bar, and I guarantee you that you will get a comprehensive history on the phrase, and few good laughs on it.

Anyway, back on the topic as to why I chose this title. Ordinarily, I am the type of person that mixes his friends, and always feels that it is important that all my friends get to know each other, etc. However, when it comes to certain people interacting with my friends, I feel like the walls are closing in on me.

As terrible as this may sound, I especially feel this way when my Mother is around my friends. My Mother is nice, etc., but I feel like I can't party or be my entire self, when she is in the same room with me and my friends. Usually, this isn't a problem; however, considering the chaos from the Extreme Makeover Home Edition, she has been around me and my friends quite a bit this past week.

I have noticed that the parties are not as fun when she is there because she is constantly telling me "Knock that off", "Stop doing that", "Why are you acting like that?". Granted, the behavior I am conducting is at best silly, but afterall, if its a party.. Does it matter?

As much as I love my Mother, I am glad that the excitment from my best friend's family getting a Extreme Makeover Home is starting to subside. I know this sounds terrible, but I feel I can finally begin to cut loose and be my self again.

Please tell me I am not a horrible person for thinking this way!